Broken Angel
by yamatoforever
Summary: Finally! Two last chapters added! Still a Yamachi/Taito fic. It's content a sligh yaoi with mystery.
1. The Party

Disclaimer: I don't have Digimon. Toei Ltd. does. If I have it, Matt will be the focus in each Digimon's episode. This fanfic was made for entertainment only. It's a Yamachi (YamatoTaichi). Any suggestion (love/hate mail) will be accept with grateful to vivayamato@yahoo.com.  
  
BROKEN ANGEL  
By: yamatoforever  
  
Chapter 1 : At The Party  
  
Yamato  
I look at the crowd. I feel so sick about the noisy around me. Yet I don't want to leave. Not because this party arranged to celebrate me as the winner of Grand Prix this year. But simply because I feel safe here. I couldn't help to think about those letters again. The words were cutting from newspaper. And the content…  
I feel sicker as I lost in mind. At first, I though some mad fan sent them. You know, about they want to fuck me blah blah blah. And the reason I paid a little more time to those letters was because the writer presents himself as a male. I found it a little ridiculous that not only female fall in love with me. But those letters never stop. Everywhere I go, those letters always reach me. My manager always checks the fan mails to make sure those letters are not there. But still when the time I read those letters, the red blood envelope is there. And the content is more dangerous.  
Now the writer demands me as his own. And death is mention now. He told me about his fantasy, how to seduce me, how to torture me. How much he likes to fuck me and then see the blood flow from my body. I'm not a coward. But when that mad man mention about the people around me, people I love so much, my family & my friends, I just can't take it anymore.  
My manager help me to find my own house, with a very high security, in a very safe place he could find. You could call me paranoid, but you should see what happen to my last manager. She must spend the rest of her life with a stick. And that happen after that mad man scold about how close we were in his mind.   
I just couldn't let that happen to my family, to my friends. So I choose to stay far away from them. I couldn't tell them. I hate to make them worry about me. I told my parent but not about the details. I'm glad they took my advice to use alarm in their house. I warned them and Takeru to be careful. But that's all I can do. Takeru just thought that I was over protected again.  
And I rarely seeing them again. I miss them so much. Phone is not enough, but I don't know any safety way to keep contact with them without anyone knows. I miss my friends so much. And I feel that's not fair I must be lonely again after I make a progress in my relationship. But I just can't take a back step now. He made clear what he would do to my family if I quit from this music business.  
My manager suggested me to take the anti-depressant pills. But I refused. I would never take them. It's useless. The pills would never change anything. It's only making me lost control of my thought. And I hate losing control of myself. It's stupid! It's can't be acceptable!   
  
Taichi  
I couldn't take my eyes from him. He looks more beautiful each time I see him. He always is the slim one and yet he looks slimmer now. And the loneliness & sorrow are back again in his eyes. And it hurt me to see him that's way. Sorrow should never touch my angel…. Yes, my angel.  
I didn't know exactly when did this feeling begin. First time I knew him, I thought he was a jerk. He didn't care for anything, anyone. But then I learn the truth that he is the most sensitive person I ever know. That so much happens in his life, not the happy ones. He avoids being close to anyone because he didn't want to feel the pain of losing someone he loves so much.   
But he couldn't hide his love. It's radiate from all of his body to Takeru. It's hurt to see how much he care for his brother and yet he couldn't express it or said it aloud. And after we thought he didn't care for any of us… He reacted when we'd in dangerous showed the difference way!  
And I can't stop thinking about him. I feel so happy to be his best friend. I feel jealous when I hear girls talking about their love to him. First, I though I'm jealous about how easy he can attract girls. Or maybe I'm afraid I will loose my best friend. But finally I realize. I'm afraid to loosing him because I fall in love with him.  
After I realize my feeling, I really don't know how to face him. I feel my heart beating much faster when he looks at me. I couldn't help to stare at him when he didn't realize, or just a quick glance. I know this feeling would never have a happy ending. But that sense is useless. I can't control my feeling.  
And suddenly he moved. I got his address & phone number from Takeru. He gave us all without asked permission to his elder. Yamato seem not like it. And lately he hardly hangs around with us again. Okay, he never does that again. And I miss him so badly. He even didn't invite us to this party. That's not like him.  
There's a fear inside me. That he finally realizes about my feeling to him. That after all he did catch me staring at him. And he doesn't feel the same way to me. So he tries to make a distance. That explains about his strange behavior lately. And it hurts me so much. I love him so much. And I choose to be with him as his best friend than being ignored like this.  
So I decided to speak to him. I want to clear the problem once and for all. I want him to know that I understand that he doesn't love me. So it's all right for me just to be his friend. I can accept that. That's why I asked Takeru if all of us could come to the party to congratulate him. And Takeru didn't disappoint me.   
Yamato's manager just couldn't say no to him. So we all came. He still didn't notice our present here. He is alone now in the corner. I know this is the right time to talk to him. So I didn't want to waste my chance. I took a deep breath to calm down myself.  
  
Yamato  
"That's not the look of the young man who celebrate his success at his seventeen. You don't look beautiful in that sorrow face."  
I jumped as the voice wakes me from my thought. Then I recognize the person immediately. I try to hide my surprise with a blank expression and say, "As a man, what joy do I have if someone say I'm beautiful?"  
"Sorry. Me myself would be glad to take it," Taichi muttered. But I could see the smile. And I couldn't help to laugh a little.  
"That's better. Finally I could see you laughing. You've been act like you are mourning something all the time."   
I just gave him a weak smile for his comment.   
"Congratulation. You deserve it. You the most talent singer I know."  
"And how many singer do you know, may I know?" I try not to smile.  
"Well…. One." And we both laugh. Boy, it feels so good to laugh like this.  
He observed at me with curious. "Your songs lately are dark. I mean the lyrics. Someone will think you are under depress or something. Are you all right? You look thinner. Have you eat enough?"  
I force myself to laugh. "O, of course. Well, sort of. You know my schedule is so full lately. But I eat enough. And the songs… I just want to make something different. That's all." Liar! My appetite is ruin because of those letters. Even if I not that busy, I hardly to eat. My songs are more honest than I am.  
"There's black rings in your eyes. When did the last time you sleep?" ask him.  
"Before I wake up. Look, Taichi. I appreciate your concern but there is nothing to worry about. I'm a big boy, you know."  
He smiles unsure to my joke. Well, me either. Those letters really haunt me. I feel so exhaust but yet I don't feel sleepy. I know I destroy myself, not sleep & eat well. But I just couldn't help. But why should I bother Taichi with my problem? He is my best friend. I hate to make him worry about me.  
  
Taichi  
I know he was hiding something. I just knew. But I don't want to push him. So we just talk. And I could see him enjoying this little chat. I'm beginning to think I was worry about nothing. Then I saw the letter in a table behind him. The envelope is red like blood. And the address was from cutting letters. It was for him.  
"Your fan mail? An eccentric one, I see."  
He looked at that thing with a horror. He opened it & read it. He looks so sick & his hands are tremble.  
  
Yamato  
"So, enjoying your chat with that brown kid? You're slut! It was the last time you cheating from me. I'm gonna fuck you again & again. I'm gonna cut you and see the blood spouted from your body. Can you imagine it? How beautiful that red water covers your pale skin. O, I just can't wait to see that. So do you right? - Your beloved one."  
I'm not safe here. I realize that. He follows me everywhere. Even in this place with so many securities. And Taichi. He's in dangerous just because I talked to him. My fear is come true. O God, not Taichi. Not my best friend.  
"Yamato, are you all right?"  
For a while I speechless. And I could not even move. But finally I nodded. When I began to speak I realize my voice is trembling. But I just couldn't help it.  
"I just too tired. I think I better go now & have some rest. Mm, Taichi. Be careful, would you?"  
"Huh? From what?"  
"For anything. Robbery, accident, anything. Lock your door & be careful to a stranger or anything"  
His face is puzzle. But I just couldn't think anything right now. I just want to get out from that place. The sooner the better. I squeeze the letter with a tremble hand & throw it away to the basket.  
"I must go now. Nice to talk to you again, Taichi."  
  
Taichi  
Okay, something is really wrong here. He looked like he just saw a ghost. And his face…how pale it is suddenly. I take the sheet from the basket & read it. I could feel my face hardener as I read it. Suddenly I understand. I rush to find Yamato's manager. I gave him the letter. By his expression, I knew that I was right.  
It's explaining all his changes lately. But I just want to hear it from the manager's mouth to ensure me. So I hear about those sick letters. How they still delivery to Yamato wherever and whenever he is. How the last manager end. How he lost his weight a lot lately. And his sleep.  
"He is pretending that everything is all right. He just doesn't want to worry his family. I don't know how he can stand to do the concert and anything. I really worry about him. He seems like he would be fall anytime. He refuse to use any anti-depressant pills, although he needs them badly."  
I looked at the letter again. Suddenly I feel so mad. Mad to the crazy man who torments my angel. Mad to my angel because he took it on his shoulder alone. I mean, who did he think I am? I'm his best friend, for God's sake. Friends should be helping each other. Maybe I couldn't help much, but at least I could stay. He didn't need to be alone, not in the situation like this! And I want him to know about this. So I put my coat & went away.  
  
* So, who is the crazy man anyway? Would Yamato finally free from him or got kill for trying? ^_^  



	2. Darkness Overwhelm

Okay, I know it's really fast for a sequel. Not giving anyone a chance to tell me what they're think about my fic. But first, I tough I just made a single fic, no sequel and sort of. But I figure that this fic is becoming so long. So I decided to cut it off into three chapters. Hope I don't get you bored. So here it is.   
  
BROKEN ANGEL  
By: yamatoforever  
  
Chapter 2 : Darkness Overwhelmed  
  
Yamato  
Taichi must think I'm crazy or sort of. He must be worry about me. I hate to make him feel that way. But I just couldn't help. I'm not in a condition to comfort someone. In fact, I need to be comfort by someone. But I know I couldn't have it without hurting that someone.   
My mind was back to the past. When I first knew him, I dislike him so much. He was a very cheerful boy, the kind of boy who always sees things in positive's view. And I knew that kind of boy would never appear if he doesn't have a lot of love from people around him. And I felt jealous. How could someone have a lot of love and the other less? I just felt that's not fair.  
So I argued with him a lot. I wanted to make him realize that life was not so easy and warm like he used to know. But then I was the one who changes. Even I never show him that I care, but I really do. And I want him to care about me too. I guess in the bottom of my heart I thought that someone who has a lot of love could share it a little to me.  
As much as I try to show him that's I don't care, he knew the truth. Well, he never pushes me to put down the mask I always wear. But instead he gave me the love that I always hunger for. And I swallow it greedily. But I never say thank you or show him how much it mean to me. I never understand how could he accept all that? He just too kind to a person likes me.  
"Mr. Ishida, we're arrive," my bodyguard's voice drag me back to reality.  
"Thanks, Sawai," I looked at my house & the neighborhood. And I didn't like what I saw. " It's a bit dark here, isn't it?"   
A man was running to greet me & open the car's door. "Good night, Mr. Ishida."  
"What happen here, Ozaki?"  
"The electricity was shut down about an hour ago. But don't worry, some people are working on it right now."  
Of course, just an ordinary event. Don't get so freaking out, Ishida! I yelled to myself. But still, I can't kill the uneasy feeling inside me. It's like something bad would be happen anytime. So I went to my dark house & locked the door. I could hear Sawai's leaving by the car's sound.  
I try to remember where I put candles or flashlight. I open the drawers & searching. I remember muttered about this stupid darkness when suddenly I think I heard something. Just a little sound, but all the bad feelings are back. I quickly turn to the sound when suddenly a fist hit my stomach. I was out of breath. And darkness overwhelms.  
  
Taichi  
A strange feeling flood over me. You know, like something bad happen. I almost arrive at Yamato's neighborhood. I could sense something was not right, It is dark there. And I don't like it. Now, don't be so suspicious. His house has a very high security system. (Yeah, do you think it could work without electricity?) AND there's the security's guy guard his house!!! I yelled to that voice. Yet I found myself walk faster.  
  
Yamato  
I woke up, gasped for breath. I could felt his mouth shut mine. I could felt his tongue dance inside my mouth. And I felt that I wanna throw up. Yet, I couldn't. And I'm out of breath now. I could fell the pain all over my body. Yet, he still won't stop. He keeps squeeze me over & over again. Make some new bruises, some more pain.  
Finally, his mouth freed mine. I coughed hardly. I try to scream but his big hairy hand shut me. I try to struggle hard only to get some punches again. Fear took control on me now. Where the hell the security now? Didn't he hear such noisy like this? Tears running down my face. God, what have I done to deserve this? Why didn't he just kill me? He is playing at me as his toy! Taichi!!!  
  
Taichi  
I reached the crowd of people. I could hear some sentences like somebody broke the electricity down. I heard something like robbery or something. Suddenly I heard it. It was Yamato's voice call my name. I blinked for a second. I looked around me but I couldn't see him.  
And I realize that's something was not right. His voice was like coming from a far far place, yet it's like coming from inside me. And my heart beating much faster now. And I found myself running away to his house. By then, suddenly light appears. I glance behind, still running, and saws those people were preparing to go home.  
  
Yamato  
Suddenly the room is getting bright. I blinked for a second. I looked at my tormentor with a shock. "You!!!" I yelled as I managed to free my mouth while he still blinked by the light.  
Sawai grinned evilly. He grabbed my mouth again before I cry out for help. "I never thought they could fix it so fast. Or is this because you wasting so much time with that brown hair slut?"  
I try to struggle again with fury. Sawai! It's him all the time. No wonder those mails never ever fail to reach me. No wonder he always know what I'm dong, who I talked to. After know who the person was, the fury is taking away the fear that haunt me for months. I remember some wise words I heard once in my childhood. The unknown makes the fear grow stronger.   
"You are mine forever, Yamato. Life or dead. But dead would be much suitable for us, right? Then you would completely stop fucking someone behind me!"   
He kisses me again roughly. My lips were bleeding for his action. And I couldn't get his hands off my body. My shirt is unbuttoning. I could see the buttons spread on the floor. And he tries to put off my pants. I just wouldn't give up so easily. I try to kick him, to hit him and even bit him. And he got so mad.  
He took his knife out. With rage, he tried to stab me. I grab his hands & try to fight for it. But he is much powerful than me. What less you expect from a man who weight double on me and with the muscles like that? And I weaker by not getting sleep & eat enough. I didn't know exactly what happen. But suddenly I felt pain on my stomach. And I could feel hot waters stream fast.  
He smiles wickedly as I drowned into unconsciousness. The last think I remember was the movement of his hand as he tries to stab me again while the other hand still shut my mouth. I knew I'm gonna die. And without any thinking I screamed in my mind, "Taichi!!!"  
  
Taichi  
I knew something was wrong when I didn't see any security stop me. I just reached the front door when suddenly I heard him screaming. I immediately break opens the locked door, make the alarm roar crazily. I suddenly freeze at the scent in front of me. There's he was lying on the floor while the one I recognize as his bodyguard sat on him. That man looked at me but still his hand didn't stop to stab my angel. "NOOO!!!" I yelled as I throw my body to that bodyguard.  
I couldn't remember exactly what happen. I just remember the fight and how finally he ended up unconscious. But how exactly I beat the big man…only heavens know. Maybe it's the power of my rage or sort of. I don't care really. All I care is that my angel hurt, probably death. O God, please no!  
I pull his fragile body to my chest & sob. Blood cover all over his body. His face was so pale. Bruises are all over his body and face. I could feel his heart beating so weakly. My angel, my broken angel. His heartbeats are so weak. This couldn't be true! "Don't die, Yama-chan. Please don't die."  
He didn't reacted to my presence and my words. Then rage of sadness flood on me. Without realizing I yelled to him. "Don't you dare die now, Yamato! You hear me? I never have a chance to tell you I love you so. Don't you dare to die now!!!"  
I looked at the sounds that disturb me. There's Takeru with the others looking at us with terror. "T-the m-manager told us."  
That's all Takeru could say. He immediately kneels beside me & took his brother hand. "He's alive, right? He gonna be all right, doesn't he? Tell me, Taichi!"  
Before I could answer that, I heard many people rush in. Everything is blur. I could feel Yamato's body taken from me. I could see the light of cameras & the siren's sound. Many people in white suits examined my angel's body. People in police's uniform talked to me but I just couldn't hear what they were saying. I just stare like a fool while tears running down my face.  
  
* Would Yamato survive? And how about Taichi's feeling? Would it end happily or not? Just watch to the next chapter… ^_^  



	3. The Confession

All right, this is the next chapter. Sorry for the delay. I put the lyric of "Whisper in the Dark" by Obsession. Before you sue me, I don't have digimon and also the song. Satisfy? And I don't have any knowledge about surgery, so sorry if I put a very minor detail here.   
Thanks for all the reviews you gave. I really appreciate that. I want to explain why I use the word Yamachi instead of Taito. Why..you must already know that I'm Matt's biggest fan. So I will always use the word Yama-who for any fics I will write. Sorry if I misleading you. But in my fic and others that will follow Matt would be the uke. So I guess I should called it Taito (but I WANT to call it Yamachi…. Sobbed….)  
Thanks for Faith to correct my poor grammar. I guess the right word is the unknown, not unknowingness. I admit that English is not my first language. So be patient for my grammar and I try my best to correct them. Anyway, I editted the first two chapters. I hope it would make this fic more sense for you.So e-mail me about this chapter, will you?  
  
Chapter 3 : The Confession  
  
There's the sound of the machines. The operation has gone for hours. They have not made any progress yet.  
"Doctor, his tension is drop. We're gonna loosing him."  
"No, we wouldn't!" Dr. Kido snapped the man.  
Yamato, don't die! You too young to end your journey. Yes, everyone would die. But not like this. You would grow old, get marry, has some kids, and die in your bed. Not like this!!!  
His thought broke by the alert sound. "Doctor Kido, his heart stop beating!"  
  
Taichi  
I sat there. I really lost track in time. It seems like forever. And yet they don't come out. It's good. It's mean Yamato still alive. Right? I buried my head in my hands with frustration.  
"Taichi?" I looked at the pale face of Takeru. "Can we talk?"  
I nodded. I should know this would come. But I didn't expect it to be so soon. So we went to the corner. I could feel the others stare at us from their place.  
"Do you really love my brother?"  
I groaned. "Looks, Takeru. I don't mean to hurt you. But yes, I'm in love with Yamato. I know I shouldn't. And I'm not proud to myself either. I just couldn't stop this feeling. I'm so sorry."  
"Don't be." I looked at him with surprise. He smiles sadly. "We already knew about your feeling. We just never sure would you finally tell him or not."  
"You.. All of you know?" I looked at him with horror.  
"Don't look at me like that. You did nothing wrong. In fact, you safe his life."  
"How…how could you say that? You know who I love!"  
"Love would never be wrong. We can't choose the people we want to fall in love with, as we can't choose the people who love us. It's just the way it is. All I know is you love him and you already proof that."  
"Did… Did he know? Did he feel the same?" I asked softly.  
"I don't know. After so many things happen, he still not shows his feeling easily. He always hides things, private things, from us. If he's not, I probably would know about that crazy man, wouldn't I?"  
I felt bitterness in his voice. "Takeru, he just tried not to make you worry about him. He loves you. You should know what that maniac wrote about you. Yamato just couldn't risk your life. He loves you too much."  
"I know he does," he whispered.  
  
Takeru  
I tried to smile to say I'm fine. But yet I'm not. I love my brother so much. And I know he loves me. You could sense it radiate from him instantly. My brother always protects me. He always there when I need someone to talk to. And I know he always support me in everything I do.  
There's never being a day without I treasure the brotherhood I have. And I want to do something that's made him realize how much I love him. Yet, I never have a chance. He the one who always helps me and I just never does the same to him. He never gives me the chance! He never let me worry about him. O why won't you, big bro? You don't know how much it would mean for me. Just being there when you need me like you always done.  
The door is open. We immediately rush to it. A man pushes the bed where my brother lies. He looks so pale, so fragile. I could feel my heart cried. I could hear Jyou's father talked to my dad.  
"We have done what we could. Just pray that he would awake in three days. If he doesn't, I suggest you to prepare for the worse."  
  
Taichi  
He still doesn't wake up yet. It's been 3 days now. If he doesn't wake up in the next 6 hours… I shook my head. I just don't want to think of that. Neither of us wants to leave this hospital. So our parents went home and get some clothes for change. We just sit here in his room and waiting. And I become more depress as I got the feeling he would never wake up.  
Sawai is in jail now. He has been charged for murdered the security guy and also for trial of murder & rape Yamato. It's seem he already plant it. He left the party & broke the electricity. And he went back and tried to get Yamato home. But he found out Yamato was talking to me. That's made him so mad. So he created the letter and put it on the table behind Yamato to distract him. That's made the delay. I could never forgive myself for that. How could I do not see him put the letter?  
I guess my attention is full of Yamato. How I miss him so badly. So I didn't aware for anything else. Just him. Jyou's father said that my appearance has distracted Sawai's attention. So the second stab missed Yamato's heart only a few millimeters. That's made me feel a little relief. The police found the newspaper he cut off in the rest room. And with my testify he would be in jail for a very long time. And yet my broken angel still not recovers yet. O God, please, Yama-chan. Please open your beautiful blue sapphire eyes again and tell me everything would be alright.   
I heard some noisy in the hospital's park. So I got up & went to the window. My eyes widely open as I saw a crowd of people, each carry a candle. And they keep coming until the park full of them. The darkness of the night was replace by the light of those candles. And then they began to sing. I recognize it as one of Yamato's new songs. The ones I don't really like because about the sorrow lyrics.  
Crying on your mother's pillow  
Crying cause of something that you see  
Lie awake alone in your room  
Too scared to even look behind your door  
But when you're young  
Your eyes are so sure  
All you see is real, not in your mind  
You know at night the candle blows  
  
Whispers in the dark  
Everyone hears  
Something 'bout the dark  
It makes us listen to our fears  
Whispers in the dark  
They call your name  
You can't escape the dark  
When light just dwindles like a flame  
  
Paint a face on your desire  
Paint a picturesque view of your heart   
Take a slice of all the answers  
The riddle ends where all your daydreams start  
Cause if you look you'd see the whole world  
Go round its only friend  
And realize the world with out a sun just  
  
Whispers in the dark  
Everyone hears  
Something 'bout the dark  
It makes us listen to our fears  
Whispers in the dark  
They call your name  
You can't escape the dark  
When light just dwindles like a flame  
  
Love will find it's own way  
Even in the dark  
This time someone shut the gates  
Around your heart  
And lonely somehow lost the key  
Some things are meant to be  
  
But when you're young  
Your eyes are so sure  
All you see is real, not in your mind  
You know at night the candle blows  
  
Whispers in the dark  
Everyone hears  
Something 'bout the dark  
It makes us listen to our fears  
Whispers in the dark  
They call your name  
You can't escape the dark  
When light just dwindles like a flame  
  
Whispers in the dark  
Everyone hears  
Whispers in the dark   
They make us listen to our fears  
  
I feel a little irony. Here are the people who love Yamato so much. They sang his song so he could hear it and maybe just wake up. But the song they choose is one of the dark ones. But after I hear at it seriously I found hope in it. Is that what you want to tell us, Yamato? Yet life is cruel and life would try anything to break you down, there is hope. If only we don't give up, we would find the way.  
Yes, it's sound like my Yama-chan. He knew very well how hard life could be. He already in it. But he refuses to give up. Not then, not now. And I criticize him like I was an expert. I never really know you, do I? I just thought I knew you. But you not the transparent kind of guy too. I smile bitterly for my foolishness.  
Finally I think I know the really you. Your songs are your thoughts. You always search light behind the gray color of life, search life behind the frustration. Each song of yours is your battle through life. You didn't want to be surrounded by the negative elements, but you also aware the elements are there. Your songs are more likely to be called thoughtful songs then just songs. I just hope that it is not too late to really know you, understand you.  
Suddenly I heard a faint scream. We all looked at the sound direction. I don't believe it but the song was working. My angel opened his eyes. We rushed at him just to make him struggle more in panic. I realized that he was scared. He didn't recognize us in his terror. I push the others away and simply hugged him. I could felt he tried to push me away.  
"It's alright, Yama-chan. It just us. The bastard is in jail now. He couldn't hurt you anymore." I try my best to calm him. And I felt his body loosen it's tensed in my arms. And then he cried. He cried out all of his pain in the last six month. The others looked at us in solemn.  
  
Takeru  
The good thing about that horrible situation is my parent is back together. Well, they are not yet marrying again. But they will. I could sense that. My mum and I are staying in my dad's house to accompany my brother. I'm glad the hospital finally releases him. He passed his crisis but yet he didn't.  
I mean he never sleep enough. Those nightmares always haunt him. He always woke up with silent scream. Taichi never leave his side. He just sit next of the bed & held my brother arm. And it's work. It could calm down him a little. So I asked my parent if Taichi could stay with us for a couple days.  
I could see the uneasy looks in their face. And I suddenly realize. They knew about Taichi's feeling. And they don't feel comfortable with it. Finally my dad nodded. I guess they decided the main prior now is my brother, not their feeling. So Hikari brought the exchanges for Taichi and he still just sit by my brother side.  
And that's just one little problem about my brother. He couldn't eat and drink anything. Every time he tries to swallow something, he just get so sick and throw up. Jyou's father said something like there's nothing wrong with him physically, but mentally. So he suggested us to ask help from the expert.   
My parent tried to pick my brother to the expert but he began to panic about the idea leaving this house. So they gave up. Beside, it wouldn't be the easy way with all the reporters outside. So they called the man and asked him if he could come. He did came. I don't know what did he say to my brother. I could hear him sobbed, yelling at that man, screaming, and finally broke into a hard cry. And it's hurt me so much to see him that's way. I could see Taichi feel the same too.  
  
Taichi  
It's been a week since he went home. No progress yet except for his sleep. After found out that's I always be there every time he wake up, he managed to sleep more peaceful. But still he couldn't swallow anything. So Jyou's father must give him IV from time to time. And it's hurt me to see his thin arms cover by small wounds.  
Our friends visit a lot. He tried so hard to keep steady, stem, like he wanted to say that he's all right. That he is not that weak. But still we could see how fragile he is. Our friends said their thank you for his effort to protect them by not seeing them. But they would be more appreciate if he told them the problem.  
After all, we did survive from Devimon, Etemon, and all the evil digimon by our unity. But then Yamato said, "We did survive from all evil digimon. But the true evil is not they. It's us, human. Every man has the dark side in his heart. We couldn't know when will we fall to the evil inside us."  
"Yes, every man has their own darkness. But not everyone would be fall into it." I was so glad to hear what Hikari said. I looked at her with adoration. The crest of Light is really suiting her. Yamato seems to think about her words a lot.  
And today I try to make him eat a little. But still he couldn't. I beginning to feel a little bit frustration. "Come on, Yama! You should try much harder. You're killing yourself. It's just not like you! You're a thoughtful one! You never give up. I know that. Your songs all are explain about your struggle to life!"  
His eyes wider as he knew that I really understand him. But then the bitter ones are back. "He… He hurt me. He hurt me in a way I never thought it was possible. And now I just don't know how to move on. I… I really try. But I just couldn't forget how… the feel of… his tongue… in my mouth."  
His voices become more faint till it's only a whisper. I took his chin and made his eyes meet mine. Could he see all the love that spread from them? "You must try. Don't give up. You're stronger than that."  
Suddenly he cried out painfully. "I'm not strong! I'm weak! That's why I try so hard to built barrier around me. Keep my emotion under control! So everyone will see me as a tough guy! Because I knew if I slip down even once I would be ruin! Just like I am now!"  
I hugged him so tight. He tensed in my arm but then loosen it and start to sob. After he gained his calm down, he suddenly said, "I was calling at you that night. I thought I was going to die…and I could if you not came. Then you just suddenly appear. I still couldn't believe it, you know, how lucky I am."  
My heart is beating faster. He called me. From all the people he knows he called ME! I believe I heard someone said that in the dangerous moment all you ever remember is the person you love most!!! I feel that I'm fly to the seven heavens! But I need to make it clear first for sure.  
"You called me twice. The first was before he stabbed you." His eyes are wide by surprise. "How…how did you know?"  
That's all I need to know. I hold him so tight and I gently kiss him in full lips.  
  
Yamato  
I froze by his kiss. He seems to assume that my silence is my permission for he kisses me more passion, more deep, more longing. His tongue encounters my mouth. But then reality strikes me back. I felt myself trembling in his embrace. .  
  
Taichi  
.I confused when suddenly I felt my face wet. I broke the kiss and I could see tears running down on his face. I could see the shock and the fear in his eyes. And I realized that I really screwed up things now.  
"Yama-chan…" My voice finally snapped him back to consciousness. He pulled himself from my embrace, still crying silently. His body just shaking badly likes a wounded animal. It's hurt me so much too see how much I had frightened him. Without even thinking, I step forward to hold him, to comfort him. But it's just making him more frightened. He just drew back until his back against the wall. And he was trembling so hard that he needed the wall to support him for standing.   
"Don't be afraid to me, Yama-chan. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. It's just... I love you... I love you for a long time now. I just too afraid to tell you. I'm afraid I will put our friendship in danger. I'm afraid of loosing you. I always wait for the perfect time and the perfect place to tell you that I love you. Then maybe you would take it nicely, no matter if you feels the same way or not.  
But it seems that there is no perfect time and perfect place after all. When I saw you hurt that night I was so afraid. I thought that I could never tell you about my feeling. And that's hurt so much. I'm sorry that you must know it like this. But one thing you must know, I never meant to hurt you."  
He didn't say anything. But his tears falling more torrents. He still didn't look at me. Just stare blankly to the floor. I take a step to him. "Yama-chan..."  
"Please go. Just go…" finally he said faintly. I couldn't hide the pain in my face but I tried to smile. "Alright. If that what you want." So I went and didn't turn back.  
Just as I walked out the door, I almost hit Mr. Ishida. From the look on his face, I knew he had heard all. I couldn't look at his eyes. I just murmured goodbye and go.  
  
Yamato  
I didn't know what to say. I know that I hurt him. I hurt him so badly. I just couldn't think clearly. I never thought that he loves me that way. I really don't know what to say to him. I never thought of him that way...do I?!! Then why did my heart torn apart when I saw his hurting face? And why did his kiss feel so right and yet so wrong?  
I quickly pushed the feeling away. No, I don't want to think about it. But how could I stop this guilty feeling inside me? I don't know how long that I loose in my thought when suddenly it hit me. Could that mean that I love him more than friend just didn't realize that? Is that why his kiss feel so right?  
But then I felt that his kiss somehow was so wrong. Because deep inside I feel that if I accept it somehow that's make what Sawai did to me was right. That's somehow it was me that made the whole terrible event appear. And I couldn't bear of the thought. I couldn't live by the knowledge that somehow it's all my fault. That somehow I deserved it.  
"Oniichan, are you alright?" Takeru's voice snapped me back to reality.  
  
Takeru  
Okay, something is really wrong. I just couldn't figure it yet. Even though he shake his head to say that's he is all right his tears just couldn't stop falling. Is this had something to do with Taichi leaving? Taichi never want to leave my brother alone. So why suddenly he decide to leave?  
I know I will never find the answer from my Onichan so I decide to ask Taichi later. Right now I just hold my brother and soothe him back and forth.   
  
Taichi  
  
It's been so hard the next couple days. I feel like my foots are not touching the ground. My parent and Hikari note that something was wrong with me but I just stay quiet. Not respond to their plead to tell them what's wrong.  
For my relief, the court finally starts. Good, I really need something to distract my attention. I watched every testify. My hate for Sawai grow bigger and bigger. I feel so sorry for my angel as I knew how much he suffered by the testify of his band and manager. And I heard what the last manager's testify.  
How my angel took the letters as a joke but finally he began to consider them more seriously as the letters began more threatening. But she told him not to worry, they just some rubbish from his mad fan because he was so shining.  
And then the accident. She said that someone had pushed her from the stairs but she couldn't recognize the person. And her right foot was broken and never recovers. She thought that her future was end.  
But my angel is truly an angel. He just couldn't abandon her. He insisted the management that every deal about him must be under her register. So she still get the fee. I could feel the sympathy grow in each juror's heart to my angel. It's good, of course. Then its time for my own testify.  
"Do you swear to say the truth and only the truth so help me God?"  
"I do."  
"Mr. Yagami, you are the first one who found the injury body of Mr. Yamato Ishida. Could you tell us exactly how did you came there and what did you see?"  
"Well, we've been friends for years now. Six years, exactly. First time I met him, he was not a very socialize kid. At first, we fight a lot. Only then I realize that behind his mask of cool and tough hidden a very warm and sensitive boy. And then we become friends, eight of us.   
About a couple months ago, we noticed that he looked different, somewhat depressed. But he didn't tell us anything, just kept distance from us. So I just wanted to make it clear in the party. To help him if he had a problem or would stay away from his path is he decided that he didn't want to be our friend anymore.  
He seems depressed, all right, but he was glad to meet us all. So I believe that the problem was not about us. We talked, just a light conversation because I could sense that he didn't want to talk about his problem. I thought after that warming up conversation he would relax and finally told me the problem.  
And that was when I saw the envelope. It's kinda weird. His name were made from the cutting letters from newspaper or sort of. I told him about that letter with a joke that maybe from his mad fan. And suddenly his face began pale and he was trembling. He still didn't tell me anything. Just asked me to be careful for anything and he went away.  
I couldn't hide my suspicious and took the letter, which he squeezes it and threw it to a basket. After I read it, I went to his manager to asked him the details."  
"Mr. Yagami, is this the same letter that you read back then?" the D.A show me the letter. I looked at it and nod. "I would like this court to clear this item as evident number one." Soon all the jurors have read it.  
"What did you do after you realize what's going on?"  
"Well, I felt so mad to the writer. And I also mad to Yamato."  
"Why?"  
"Because he didn't tell us anything! We've been friends for years now. He should tell us about his problem, he didn't have to face it alone. So I went to his house to tell him that. And I felt that something was wrong. The darkness of his neighborhood. Some workers told that the electricity was broken by purpose.  
When I arrived, I couldn't see the security. I felt that something wrong was going on. And I thought that I heard him screaming. So I broke inside the house and I saw that man stabbed Yamato." I pointed at Sawai with so much hate in my eyes.  
There's nothing interesting happen in the rest of the court. Sawai's attorney didn't push me hard. Just asked that I only saw Sawai stabbed my angel once as if it didn't bad enough he did it! I feel so mad at that attorney and I don't like the smile that he showed. I feel that he's up for something. Something bad, really bad.  
And finally I knew it when Takeru phoned me. His voice seems tremble.  
  
Takeru  
"I'm sorry to bother you, Taichi. But something happen. Sawai's attorney wants Oniichan to testify. The day after tomorrow."  
"HE WHAT?!!" I put the phone as far as possible from my ear. And then he spoke again. His voice is full of concern and worry. "How did Yama-kun take it?"  
"Not so good, I'm afraid. Well, he didn't seem fine since you left. When you left that day he just sat in the corner of his bed and pulled his knees to his chest. And he also crying silently. Mm, Taichi, I know it's not my business. But what did going on between you two? And now he seems more depressed for the thought to leave the house and go to the court. He really not in his good shape, you know."  
There's a long silence. And I feel not comfortable with it. "Taichi, you're still there?" I could hear he's breathing heavily.   
"I'll come to your house now, Takeru." With that he hang up the phone.  
  
Masaharu  
I knocked the door. There's no answer but I enter the room anyway. I found him sat in his bed. His knees are pull to his chest and he put his head on them. His eyes are blank and so his expression. He looks so vulnerable. I couldn't help the feeling of anger every time I see him. He used to be the cheerful little boy.  
After the divorce, he changed so much. He closed his feeling and never let anyone to be close to him. I guess that's the way he chooses to protect his heart from being hurt again. But even in his loneliness and sorrow, he always had the sparkling in his eyes. The self confident to himself. If he couldn't control his life than no one could.  
But now his entire confidant is disappear. He looses his trust on everything, including on himself. All the sudden the world become the most dangerous place. It looses its shine and beauty. So my anger for Sawai grow bigger and bigger. I never thought that I could hate someone so much the way I hate him. I miss my son. I miss the self confident he always showed.  
So I come here. I couldn't let him drown in depressed. And I really want to comfort him. I know he felt so terrified after he knew he must go to the court. Damn that attorney! The DA told me the reason that bastard wanted Yamato to show up. He wanted to take opportunity when Yamato still in his weak side. He will ask him unbearable questions so Yamato will break down his emotion. He will use it for his client profit. And I hate him for that.  
"Yamato?" He jumped as I tapped his shoulder gently. "Are you all right? Do you want to talk about this?"  
  
Yamato  
I just shook my head. What can I say? That I scare to face the world? That I scare to face that man again? That I really wish Taichi is right here to support me? I just shook my head miserably.   
"What's make you so upset? The court or because of Taichi's confession?"  
I looked at him with wide eyes. He knew? What did he thinking of me? … To him? I don't want him to think less of Taichi. Taichi is a wonderful person. Straight or not. The truth is there's no such thing like straight or not. It's just people who fell in love. Love could never be wrong, right? Or I just make an excuse because… NO, NO!!! I never feel that way to Taichi! Never!!  
  
Masaharu  
I saw the fear in his eyes…for rejection? From me maybe? Seem to me that is the only feeling which always appear now in his eyes. And I don't like it.  
"Don't look at me like that, Yamato. It's alright for me if you love him too."  
His eyes just wider because of what I say.  
"You…you…don't mad? You…you accept if I become a gay? But… but… how could you accept that? And what's make you think that I feel the same way?"  
"Because what you said before. And what he said."  
"What…what did I say?"  
"You called him than anyone else. Not me, not your mother, and not even Takeru. Just him."  
"That's don't explain anything!" he snapped the denial.  
"It's explain everything. Don't you know, Yamato? When someone in danger, he will remember a person who he dear most. And you called him. Twice if I may remain. And he heard that. He heard. That's mean the bond that you two have is much stronger than you thought."  
He shook his head furiously. Tears begin to fall again. And his body tremble badly. "No! No! I don't feel the same way to Taichi. It couldn't be!"  
I hug him so tight. I could feel his body tensed but soon it releases. I feel bad to hear his sobbing, knew that I the one that caused it. I know that I couldn't take a step back again and I don't want to. It's time for him to face the truth. And maybe, just maybe he could continue his life.  
"Please, Yamato. What do you afraid of? That you feel the same way to Taichi? Or do you afraid to become a gay? Please tell me. I can't help you if you don't tell me."  
"I … I couldn't be a gay. He…He will disown me… And… and there would be nothing left for me." Tears run more torrentially.  
"Who? Who will disown you?" I ask with confused.  
He choked and didn't say anything. I thought he would never say it. But finally he told me faintly. "God."  
And I feel more confused now. "Huh? What has God to do with this?"  
"Everything! When…Before… the divorce I used to pray that finally the fight between you two would end. And it ended even not in the way I like it. And you… you always busy. Not that I complain. I know you work so hard for both of us… but… but I feel so lonely. And the priest told me one day that I shouldn't feel that way. Because no matter what happen I would always have God by my side. And I accept that."  
I feel so awful now. I never realize that the divorce hurt my son that much. Takeru seem to be all right so I assume that Yamato would feel the same too. I know that I just fooled myself. Of course I realize that he changed so much. He became more silent and he closed himself from others. But I just didn't want to think that it's all were our fault. I just think that he came to the phrase where he needed space for his own.  
"Yama…I…I'm so sorry," finally I managed myself to say that.  
"Don't. I didn't say all that just to make you feel guilty or something like that. The truth is I understand then is all for the good of all. It's just hard for the first time but later I adjusted. And it's good too to realize that there would be no more fight anymore. I just need time to be adjust with that."  
I don't know what to say. I just nod. There's a silence between us. Finally I asked the question that still bother me.  
"You still don't answer me what has God to do with this."  
He looked at me with the expression that I should have known already.   
"I get used with the thought that no matter happen I will always have God by my side. Even when I was so lonely. But…but…how could I still have Him if I'm…if I'm…just a freak? I know that I'm not perfect but I'm not that bad, don't I? If I become a gay, it's make me become more imperfect and disgrace Him… He wouldn't be by my side anymore..." his faint voice finally just become a whisper.  
I just speechless. He just stares to the floor. And I saw tears escape from his eyes. I know I must be very careful to what I would say. He just in his fragile side. One wrong word would end his happiness. His happiness is with Taichi even that I'm not feeling comfortable with that.  
Yes, I know for so long that the relationship between the two of them is more than friendship. And I didn't feel comfortable with that, still do. So I never say anything about it. Part of me hopes it just a crush that would end in time. Time passes. But the bond just grows stronger and stronger every day. And yet my son still didn't understand about his feeling. And now I found out the reason for his denial.  
"Yama…" I try to say something but I couldn't think anything. I told myself to calm down and try to see it from his view.   
"Yamato, you could never surprise God. He knows everything. And He loves you just the way you are."  
"That's not the way I hear it," he murmured, still looking at the floor.  
"All you hear is not true. There're all come from people who don't understand. They're hate and afraid for their unknown."  
He still didn't say anything but now he looked to my eyes to see if I really mean it. I took a deep breath before continue.  
"You said God would never loves you because you…not perfect." How could I say a freak to my own child? So I decided to change it. "But, Yamato, nobody perfect. Only God perfects. And that's why He could still love you for being yourself. His loves beyond everything. It's just the way He is. Please think about that. Think from the bottom of your heart what do you really want for your own happiness. Forget everything else. Don't listen to anyone, not even me."  
After say all that I just walk out the room. To my surprise, I saw Taichi standing there. From his expression, I know he already heard all that. So I just smile and tapped his shoulder gently.   
  
Taichi  
I really don't know what to say. I never thought that kind of reaction from his parent. Which parent will not upset if know that a gay falls in love with their son? Which parent will accept the fact their son is a gay without denial first? I just stand there like a stone for a while until my brain is working again.  
Then I knocked the door. Nobody answers but I went in anyway. He just sat there, his mind was somewhere else. I tapped his shoulder gently. He surprised to see me but he didn't jerk away. That's good I supposed.   
"I will go to the court. Others will come too."  
That's all I have to say. I could see the relief in his eyes. I smiled to encourage him then I go. I know he needs time to think. And I don't want to pressure him. The truth is I also need to think about all this. But first I need to talk to my parent. I need to tell them the truth about my feeling to my angel.  
"Honey, you home. Good, dinner almost ready," my mom smile sweetly.  
"Mm, Mom… I need to talk to you and Dad. You could come too if you want, Hikari,'' I said to my sister who looks at me with concern. I guess she knew that finally I decide to tell my parent about my feeling to Yama-chan.  
I guess that from the look in my face my Mom knew it's very important. So she didn't argue and looked for my Dad to join us in the living room.  
  
What do you think? The conversation between Matt and his father is dedicated to all the homophobic people. It's really evil to threat and accuse others just because they are different. And all the talks that gay is evil and God hates gay and so on are really bullshit. God is love, not hate. Why do people always bring God to strengthen their words? Don't they afraid that God would be mad at them for making Him looks like the unforgiving and uncaring Father? Do they really want to have that kind of God as they're God? Well, I don't. I want my loving and caring God who would still be accept me despite of my imperfect.  
I know I mention in the last chapter that this would be the last chapter. But I found it too long to be a chapter. Too many that I want to write about. So I break it into two chapters. But to make it up for you, I send the last chapter in the same time with this. So you don't have to wait long to know the ending. ^_^  



	4. In The Court

Finally, the last chapter. I'm really sorry for the long delay. It's really out of my control. You see, after I finished 90% of this chapter suddenly my disc was broke. I know, I know. You would say it just a weak defense. But I swear it's true! Because I already mention in the last chapter that I would post it with this final chapter, I delay to post the chapter three. So I really really sorry.   
The lessons that I got from that bad luck are: 1) never ever use your disc in others computers no matter how bad the urge to type is, and 2) always have a back up disc for your files. And then you wouldn't end screaming madly when this situation happen and shock your neighborhood!   
By the way, I know I should have to mention it in the last chapter. I don't know anything about Japanese's court system so I put up America's. I'm not an expert of it, I just know America's court system from the LA Law, Reasonable Doubt, and more. So be nice to me, okay?  
So, for everyone who still interested to read this fic, I really hope you would R&R.  
  
Chapter 4 : In The Court  
  
Hikari  
I'm glad everything turns to be okay. Our parents didn't seem so surprise when my Onnichan told them that he's a gay. And they didn't surprise when he told them that he has fall in love with Yamato for years now. I guess deep inside they already knew. They just didn't want to talk about the matter first.  
Later Onnichan told me about the conversation between Yamato and his dad which gave him the courage to confess. So our parents didn't seem so open like Mr. Ishida but they didn't seem to against it. They said they love him so much so nothing else matter. He cried. I guess he didn't think every thing would end so nice like that.  
So now we all here in the court. Even the new digidestined. Yamato looked strangely calm down but his fragile state still appears clearly. Onnichan and Takeru hardly left his side like they ready to catch him anytime he falls. Finally the court call him to give his statement.  
  
Yamato  
"Do you swear to tell the truth and only the truth so help me God?"  
"I do."  
I sat nervous. I could feel everyone eyes locked on me and I really don't feel comfortable with that. Sawai looked at me and grinned slyly. I bit my lips as my arms clench to the chair. Then I saw Taichi looked at me. I could sense the love in his eyes and I found myself beginning to calm down.  
I answered all questions that the DA asked me. About when did the first time I receive those letters, how I feel about it, why I beginning to avoid my family and my friend. And finally he asked me to tell them what happen that night. I took a deep breath.   
"It was supposed to be a celebration for me. Even though I hate parties, I agree to attend the party. I thought I would be safe in the crowd. I met my best friend there and we talked. And then he noticed a letter just like others that I received. And I read it…"  
I couldn't continue. I just stare blankly to the floor.  
"Mr. Ishida, is this the letter that you receive that day?"  
I look at the sheet. And yes indeed, that's the letter. So I nod. The DA coughs and seems unsure to say something. And then I realize. He needs a verbal answer, not a movement. So after a deep breath I answer. "Yes."  
"And then what happen?"  
"I.. I just felt sick, knew that person was in the same room as I was. So after asked my friends to be careful for anything, I left. I didn't tell him exactly what happen. Just couldn't. I guess he thought that I just lost my mind. My bodyguard, Sawai, drove me home. I just knew something was terribly wrong when I saw the neighborhood was dark. My security told me that the electricity was broke but the company already sent someone to fix it. So I when home and locked it. I tried to find flashlight or even candle in the drawers when suddenly I thought I heard something. I looked at the source when suddenly a fist hit me hard in the stomach and then I just lost my consciousness."  
"Have you ever wake up or haven't you?"  
"I woke up because I just out of breath."  
"How could you out of breath?"  
  
Taichi  
I saw my angel's face turn to white. When finally he answer the question, he couldn't stop to stutter.  
"I…I choked out of breath. I…I could…felt…some…someone's mouth on mine. I…I could felt…his tongue…exploded…inside me," he looked so sick and it's seem that he could pass out anytime.  
"Mr. Ishida, do you want to reset now? We could take it a break so you could rest a while before we continue this," the judge ask him gently.  
Yama-chan looked almost to take that offer but something stops him.  
"I still have to do it then, don't I? Let's just finish it now."  
I couldn't help to smile. Even in his fragile state, he still has his stubborn attitude in his. He just to stubborn to accept that he loose from himself.  
"I couldn't scream cause his mouth shut me. I tried to struggle but he just too strong. I could felt the pain all over my body as he squeezed. Yet, he still didn't stop. He kept squeeze me over & over again. Make some new bruises, some more pain. Finally, his mouth freed mine. I coughed hardly. I tried to scream but his hand just covered my mouth. I try to struggle harder only to get some punches again. I was afraid and I couldn't help to think where was the security. Suddenly the light was on. I blinked for a second and so was he."  
"Do you recognize your attacker?"  
"Yes. It was him, Sawai." He pointed his finger to Sawai and the DA asked the court to note that Yama-chan pointed directly to him.  
"And then what happen?"  
"He didn't seem to stop what he was doing. And he said that he never thought they could fix it so fast. Or was that because I wasted so much time with… with my friend."   
  
Yamato  
I couldn't say the word slut in front of them, could I? I felt my face redden a little.  
"Mr. Ishida, can you carry on?" the DA asked. I just nodded.  
"He said that I was him forever. Life or dead. But dead would be much suitable then I would completely stop… stop…" I just couldn't finish it. It's just too much.  
"Then you would completely stop doing what, Mr. Ishida?"  
I tried to answer but my voice suddenly couldn't go out.   
"Mr. Ishida, please answer the question." The DA asked me kindly but with the stern that I should do what he asked me to.  
"Then I would completely stop fucking someone behind him." My voice just so faint that I'm not sure if they could heard that. But I guess they could for the gasp that I hear immediately. I just couldn't stand the thought that all the eyes in the room fix on me so I just stare blankly to the floor.  
"Then what happen?"  
"He kissed again roughly. My lips were bleeding for his action. And I couldn't get his hands off my body. My shirt was already unbuttoning. And he tried to put off my pants. I tried to kick him, to hit him and even bit him. And he got so mad. He took his knife out. He tried to stab me. I grabbed his hands and tried to fight for it. But he was much powerful than me. Suddenly I felt pain on my stomach. And I could feel blood streamed fast as I drowned into unconsciousness. The last think I remember was the movement of his hand as he tried to stab me again while the other hand still shut my mouth."  
  
Taichi  
I feel so sorry for Yama-chan. I knew how hard it is for him. I thought the DA was finish with him. But I was wrong.  
"Mr. Ishida, is that true after you survive you couldn't eat or drink anything without vomit so you must get IV constantly?"  
His eyes just wide with shock. He just never thought that the issue would ever appear in the court. All attention in the court just grows to him and he didn't like it. He seems didn't want to answer it but finally he said faintly, "Yes."  
"Mr. Ishida, please shows us the wounds in both your hand."  
"Wh… what?" his face just become more white as he realize what the DA want from him. And he just froze, unable to think or do anything.  
"Mr. Ishida, please shows us the wounds!" the DA asked again.  
Yama-chan just bit his lip and slowly rolls the shirt. Everyone gasped when they saw the almost healing wounds in his hands by the IV. I felt so sorry for him. I know how much he hates to show his weakness in front of the others. He just the kind of guy who hide all his trouble inside even when his troubles finally eat him from inside. But I also know this is important so the jurors would understand how terrible what Sawai did.  
"I have no more question, Your Honor."  
Sawai's attorney then stands and walks closer to Yama-chan.  
"Mr. Ishida, how long has Mr. Sawai work for you?"  
"About three years now."  
"And when did you first receive those letters?"  
"About a year ago."  
"So it took Mr. Sawai two years for finally falling in love with you."  
I couldn't help to stand angrily. He tried to confuse my angel! Takeru and Hikari quickly pulled me to sit again.  
"I don't know. I'm not him." My angel said coldly.  
I couldn't help to smile. Even in his fragile state, he still has the cool and tough attitude in him.  
"You such a handsome young man, Mr. Ishida. I bet your girlfriend really worry about what happen to you."  
"I don't have a girlfriend," Yama-chan said. He seems to think what that attorney's planning for.   
"Really? Maybe your boyfriend then." My angel looks so shocked.   
"Objection! The witness' sexuality doesn't have anything to do with this case!" the DA stood with furious.  
"Oh, but it is, Your Honor. If you just let me finish my questions."  
"Objections overrule. You may continue with your questions, Mr. Tanaka. But I remind you to direct it quickly."  
"Thank you, Your Honor. Mr. Ishida, you didn't answer my question"  
"I don't have a boyfriend with the meaning as you said." He answered it coldly but his voice just a little tremble.  
"Isn't it not common for a handsome young man in your ages for not have a lover? I checked that you never date or build any love relationship with others."  
"Mr. Tanaka, please ask your questions more directly," the judge warned him.  
"Mr. Ishida, are you a gay?"  
"Objections! The question doesn't have any connection with this case!"  
"Your Honor, my client told me that he and the witness had a relationship for years. The witness just too afraid if that relationship would ruin his image. So he tried to kill my client to erase evident. My client acted was a pure self defense."  
"Wh… what?" My angel seems to pass out because of his emotion.   
"The witness was the one that got stab. Any normal people wouldn't think that he would try something against a man who almost two size of his! Beside we have a lot of witness that could proof that the letters are real. And a lot of evident that dependant killed Ozaki Toru and tried to kill the witness!"  
"Your Honor…"  
"Enough, Mr. Tanaka. Unless you could give us a verbal evident that what you said was true, I suggest you to quit this subject."  
The attorney's face just becomes redder. "No, Your Honor. I don't have any verbal evident."  
"Then please the jurors to ignore the questions."  
"I don't know."  
All the attention in the room just grows to my angel.  
"Mr. Ishida, you don't have to answer the question." The DA immediately warns him. But Yama-chan seems didn't hear it.  
"I don't know if I'm a gay or not. I just never thought about it. After my parent divorce, it's just so hard for me to believe in love. How could I believe there is an everlasting love if I couldn't see it? It took me years for finally except others as my friends. But that's all the love I could offer them. Just friendship's love. I think I would be able to love someone in that kind of love if I have time by my side."  
He paused for a moment. He took a deep breath before finally continue with his words. "I never have anything against gays people. But what he did made me afraid to think about Homo relationship. So right know, I really couldn't answer that question."  
I could see everyone's sympathy grows to him.   
"I know you wouldn't believe me, Mr. Tanaka. And I don't have anything to proof what I have said. I never thought I would say this… but you just made me feel worse for being safe. At least if I die, I wouldn't have to proof you anything, would I?"  
The attorney suddenly speechless. He tried to say something but he fail. Finally he managed himself to say that he didn't have anything to say.  
  
Yamato  
It's finally over. I'm glad it's over. I don't think I could handle this any longer.  
"You could back to your sit, Mr. Ishida." The judge said kindly.  
I get up. To my surprise, my legs just disobey me. So I fall back to the chair. The judge asked me if I was all right. I couldn't answer that question. I was too ashamed for showing my weakness in front of the people. Great, Ishida. Just show how a freak you are in front of the strangers!  
I tried to get up again when suddenly I could feel two people support me in the left and the right. I looked up and saw Taichi and Takeru. The judge didn't say anything about their acted that disturb the court and just simply nodded. So they just gently lead me back to the others. I just put my head down, too ashamed to see others reaction.  
  
Taichi  
He so tensed up. I want to tell him to ignore everything. Don't think what others would think. He always likes that. He always cares what others would think about him. I squeeze his hand gently to relax him. He looked at me and he tried to smile weakly. But I could feel his body loosen up.   
I really proud of him. All of us thought that he could never pass this one. That he would be breakdown when that damns lawyer pressed him. But he didn't. He showed us hid dignity. He always is a fighter. I guess we from all of these people must known it already but we just forgot because from all that has happened in the past months.  
I don't pay any attention to what happen in the court next. All my attention is my angel. After hearing the final statement from the DA and Sawai's attorney, the jurors leave the room. It's only take thirty minutes before the jurors make their decision. It's a good sign, is it? I beginning to feel worry.  
"Have the jurors make their decision yet?" asked the judge.  
"We have, Your Honor."  
The judge read the paper and gives it back to the chief of jurors.   
"For the trial of first degree murder Ozaki Toru, we found defendant guilty. For the trial to abuse and kill Ishida Yamato, we found defendant guilty."  
I couldn't help my happiness when I hear that Sawai must spend the rest of his life in jail. We all just talking happily that the bastard got what he deserve when suddenly there's a riot.  
  
Yamato  
I didn't really know what happen. All I know is suddenly there's a riot. And the next thing I know someone grasped me so tight and made it hard for me to breathe. Then I saw Taichi lied in the floor with a pain in his face. He looks at me with fear and anger. All the officers point their guns on us and yell something like surrender.  
Then I heard his laugh. I could never forget his evil laugh. And I found myself froze when I realize I am under his mercy once again. I could hear all the yelling. Sawai's attorney who yelled that it was his knife. His mail's knife. The DA yelled at him about how stupid for him to bring a sharp object in the room. And Sawai's attorney that yelled back about how could he know Sawai would found it and use it.  
"So finally we together again. Even in your wildest dreams you never think something like this would happen, wouldn't you?" He said teasingly.  
I couldn't stop my body to shaking. I feel tears try to fall from my eyes. I try my best to hold them. I don't want him to know the fear inside me. Well, it would works if my body could stop shaking violently.  
"Release him, Sawai. You only put yourself in a more deep trouble," Taichi scold at him with hatred.  
"If I can't have him then no one can!"   
Then I could feel his tongue lick my ear. And he sucks it. I feel my strength left me. My legs just couldn't support my body anymore. The only reason I didn't fall is his hand, which holds the knife, that blocked my way to the floor. I could feel his other hand touch me in the private area and then began to squeeze it. I couldn't help to squeak and began to sob. I feel like I would be pass out any time.  
I could hear Taichi growl in anger and frustration. Then I feel the squeeze stop. And then he tries to pull down my pant. It's just too much for me. I prefer to die than being humiliated in front of these people! I try to struggle but he just too strong for me. Back then, he was stronger. And now my condition just weaker than before. The only result I got is he pressed the knife deepen to my neck and blood begins to flow.  
"Yama, please calm down."   
I could hear the fear in Taichi's voice. Fear for me. But I just couldn't let Sawai rape me in front of the people. If I think calmly, I would know that if Sawai try it then his guard would be down. And I would be safe before he could finish what he desires. But I just couldn't let him do that to me. I got enough humiliation and fear from him already. I just couldn't let him continue.  
But then from the corner of my eyes I saw him. That officer is different from others. Others just hold their guns with both hands. He seems like does that but one of his hands didn't hold his gun. His pointed three fingers. When he realize I notice him, he nodded. His fingers just went from three to two and then one. After that, he put his head down.  
I puzzled. But then I realize what he tried to tell me. He saw that and he smile to reassure me. I try not to make Sawai curious. I hardly feel his other hand that tries to pull my pant down again. From the corner of my eyes I saw he count silently. One. Two. Three! And I move my head down to my chest so quickly as my life depend on it.  
  
Taichi  
There's a loud explotion. The next thing I saw was my angel's golden hair cover with blood. And then his body and Sawai just fall lifeless. I scream with terror as I rush to my fallen angel. I hold his body desperately.  
"Yama! Please, Yama! Open your eyes! Doctor! Call the doctor, dammit!"  
And then I feel someone kneel beside me and check at my angel.  
"Don't worry, Taichi. He just unconscious. But we need to treat the cut in his neck quickly." Jyou's voice came to reassure me.  
"But…but… The blood in his head…"  
"It's that man's blood. Someone shoot his head just a second after Yamato put his head down."  
Jyou's words snapped me back to reality. I immediately look for Sawai. I need to be sure that it's finally over. And yes it is. I saw him lying lifeless in the floor. His eyes just open so wide and his mouth opened with disbelief. That's a hole in the middle of his forehead. This time I really believe everything would be just fine.  
We took Yama-chan to rest room where the doctor could examine him carefully. The doctor said he would be all right. He just too shaken with all that has happened. He will need a lot of rest and of course we must avoid all the things that can depress him. But outside of those, he would be fine.  
Just after the doctor left the room, I heard my angel screaming in fear. I rush to his side and hold him tight to comfort him.  
  
Yamato  
My fear just climax when I feel somebody hold my body so tight. But then I hear Taichi's voice tries to reassure me. As soon as I know it was him, my body just loosen it's tensed. And I began to sob. He whispers soothing words. I couldn't help to get angry to myself to breakdown right this. But it's really feel so nice to be in his embrace.  
There's a knock in the door. I quickly pull myself from his embrace and wipe my tears. I could see him disappointed from my reaction but he smiles to me to show me it's all right for him. And then an officer came. I recognized him already as the man that safe my life. He is a fine looking man in his mid twenty.  
"I see you already awake. So how are you?"  
"Fi…Fine, I guess. Mm, officer, thank you. Thank you so much."  
"Yes, we really grateful for what have you done for him," said Taichi as he finally realize who is that man.  
"Don't be. I didn't do it for you only, Yamato. I have unfinished business with him too. And from the look in your eyes, I knew you already decided to die than let him got what he wanted. So I have to move. For you, and for Ritsuko."  
"You… You know Ritsuko?" My eyes suddenly wide with surprise. "But… But how…?" Suddenly it hit me.  
"Ritsuko said his fiancee was a police officer. It was you?"  
Taichi looked at me and to that man. He looks so confused.  
"Who is Ritsuko?"  
"His manager before Sawai's hurt her. I won't lie that I was mad at you before, Yamato. The woman I love must spend the rest of her life with a stick. And what for? Just because some crazies fan of a rock star that I never know. But she never shows her regret. And then I knew why. You show us that you care. That you consider her as your friend. You show me that you are worthy to be depend for."  
I just speechless. The thing I regret most from all that happens are what happened to Ritsuko and Ozaki. I couldn't stop the feeling that it was all my fault. I the one who made that happen. That it's should been me. But now he told me all these! I couldn't stop the tears falling down my face.  
"Don't blame yourself for what happen. Don't you think you too hard to yourself? I know Ritsuko doesn't want you to feel that way. None of those are your fault. It was his fault. But now he already dead. You could carry on with your life. That's all I want to say. I must go now. Get well soon, will you?"  
And with that he just leave the room.  
  
Taichi  
It has been three weeks now. Yama-chan refuses to meet anyone. Not me, and not the others digidestined. I feel so depress. I miss him so much. I want to be near him, to support him or just company him. But he refused. The only news about him I got from Takeru. And it's seemed not only me that miss him.  
His fans wrote a lot of letters. Asked him if he all right. When will he return to the show business. Many mass media talk about him lately. About how much his fans miss him. How they waiting for him to return. Some of the reporters even said that my angel become phenomena now. And a lot of people couldn't wait to see him recover.  
A phone distracts my day dreaming. Without any enthusiasm, I pick up the phone.  
"Yagami's resident."  
"Taichi, Onnichan is missing," Takeru's voice is full of depress.  
"What? How could it happen?"  
"We don't know! He hardly left his room. But this morning when I wake up, he already gone. One of the neighborhood saw him left about 7 A.M. He left a note that he was going to your place."  
My brain just couldn't think anything. It's almost 11 A.M now. My house isn't that far! Why didn't he arrive already? And why did he want to go to my house? He avoided me lately. I don't think he would ever want anything to do with me again.  
"I'll find him, Takeru. And you must search around your area too. Keep tell me the news, okay?" Without waiting for his comment I put down the phone.  
I immediately write a note to tell my family about it. I rush to the door only to find my angel stood behind it. He is shaking slightly and looks a little pale.  
"Yama-chan! You're all right!" I hold him so tight until finally I realize what have I done. I quickly release my embrace and murmured. "Sorry."  
But then I saw him smiles softly. He didn't seem disturb by what I've done.  
"May I come in?"  
"Of course." I replied. My cheeks just turn crimson for my stupidity. After I closed the door, I couldn't help to look at him with curiosity.   
"Where has you been? Takeru told me that you left the house about 7 A.M. That's hours ago."  
"I already left the note that I would go to your house."  
"My house isn't that far away from yours!"  
He looks ashamed to himself. And his face turns to crimson when he continued his words. "I… I couldn't decide what road should I take. The usual one always been a busy street. And I'm not sure I am ready to face the people. Well. I could if they would abandon me. But how about if there's people who know me? Or I should take a quiet shortcut. But if something happen I would be helpless. So…"  
He just couldn't finish it. I feel so sorry for him. It's must be took all his might to finally arrive here.   
"May I have a glass of water, please?" He asked softly.  
I nodded and went to bring him the water. Then I remember Takeru.  
"Here you go. Please wait. I must call Takeru so he could stop worry about you."  
There's nobody answers my call. I guess they all still searching for Yama-chan. So I just left the message. When I return to my angel, I saw him holding the glass with both hands which still shaking slightly. The water only been drinking a little. But then I remember. I gasped.  
"Yama-chan, you're… drinking! How…How could… Are you all right now?"  
"Well, yes and no."  
"Why the 'no' part?"  
"I mean I still not fully recover. I just try to be better step by step. And I really try so hard because I have my reason."  
"What is your reason?" He looked uncomfortable because of my question. So I quickly said, "You don't have to answer that if you don't want to."  
"I do."  
So I wait for his explanation. But his mouth was still locked. I saw his fingers hold the glass very tight for comfort. I thought he would never open his mouth. But then the words that he said were not what I expected.  
"Taichi, you said before that you loved me. That you loved me for years now. Do you really mean that?"  
"Yes. I mean that. I love you so much. But why do you asking me this now?"  
He took a deep breath. And then he looks at me with sincerity.  
"I didn't lie in the court. I didn't know if I was a gay or not. After the court, I didn't want to see anyone. I needed time to think. And one thing I know for sure is I really miss you. I miss you so much. I remember all the things we've done together. All the time we've spent together. And then I realize. Outside of my family and Gabumon, you mean more to me than anyone in my life."  
My heart is beating so fast. Is he really saying what I think he say it? That's he loves me too? I look straight to his eyes with a hope to see any clue in there.  
"What I'm trying to say is… I guess I love you too. I just didn't realize it. I'm sorry I hurt you before. It's just… it's all too sudden for me. And because what Sawai did, I… I really…"  
He just couldn't finish what he said. He just stares to the floor. He took my silence as a rejection. He looks so fragile, made me want to protect him so much. And then I just follow my heart. I hold him so tight. His body tenses because of my sudden movement. But then he relaxes. I lift his face up and then kiss him gently.  
He didn't respond to my kiss but he didn't refuse it too. So I deepen my kiss. And then I knew something is wrong. I mean, he didn't do or say anything to stop me but I could feel his body shaking slightly.  
  
Yamato  
He releases his embrace. I just couldn't look at his face. I guess he is mad at me. And he has a right for that. I told him that I love him but my act didn't show it. He kissed me with all his love… and then I just chicken up?  
"You really didn't lie in the court, did you? Homo relationship really scare you now." There's no anger in his voice.   
I still couldn't stop staring at the floor. And then he holds me so tight.  
"It's all right, Angel. You don't have to do anything that you don't prepare yet. I'll wait. I'll wait for you forever."  
"But… but it's not fair for you," I sobbed. "I'm so sorry, Taichi. I really love you. It's just… I just…"  
"You need time. And that's what you will get. And a lot of understanding and support too."  
I look at his eyes. And I know he really means it. I could feel love and understanding radiant from his eyes. And it's just making my tears fall more torrents. I don't deserve him. He just too kind for a person likes me.  
"Please at least let me explain. I do love you. It's just I need time to forget all the terrible things that happen. It's not that I didn't try. I try really. I came here, didn't I? And I could drink even a little bit. It's you. You're the reason for me to not give up. And I just know that I would finally pass all these if you would stand by my side."  
I look at him, still crying. He just smiles softly. He moves his hands to wipe my tears. His kindness gives me the courage to continue. I guess that's why he became the bearer of courage in the first place.  
"What you offered to me just too much for me to accept. I can't ask you to wait for me. Because I myself don't know how long it takes for me to finally move on. It's just not fair for you to wait in unsure. I'm not worthy enough for you to do it. I couldn't make love with you or kiss you or do any other things that lovers do. It's just…"  
  
Taichi  
That's all he could say before I kiss him again lightly to stop his words.  
"Please don't say that, Angel. You're worthy! God, you don't know how much you mean for me. I love you. I love the really you. Not just your body. If we could never kiss or make love, I can accept that. Not that I don't want it. But what I really want is you. So just like what I have said, I will wait for you. I wait for you then, I wait for you now, and I wait for you forever."  
His eyes just glisten with tears. I kiss his left eye and then the other gently.  
"One thing you must sure, you would never lost me for anything. I love you too much. I waited so long before I finally have you. So I would treasure you more than anything in the world."  
And then he hugged me. He hugged me so tight and sobbed. And he murmured thank you over and over again. I smile happily. And then I remember all things with his fans and news.  
  
Yamato  
"Angel, can I ask you something?"  
He seems so use to call me angel. It's embarrassing me. I'm not an angel. Not even close! But I would lie if I say I don't like it. Its make me feel so loved, so wanted. And yet I feel not worthy for it.  
"Don't call me that. I'm not an angel."  
"But you are, for me. So can I ask?"  
I just nod, a little worry about what would he ask.  
"Your fans ask for you're come back. What would you do about it?"  
I just speechless. I never suspect him to ask me that.  
"You don't have to answer that if you don't want to."  
"No, not like that. It's just I don't know. Just… We do it step by step, okay?" I look at him and pleaded.  
He smiles gently to relax me.  
"Okay. Just remember I will support whatever you will decide."  
I smile and hug him. He hugs me back so tight. I close my eyes. And for the first time after all that incident I feel so safe and secure.  
  
The End  
God, finally! It's finish! Sorry it took me so long to finally finish it. Thank you for all of you that have been so patient for me. Especially thank you for Kae Ti who introduces me to FFNet. I finally finish my fic. I'll wait for the last two chapters of A Love Born of Hate. ^_^  
My already write my second fic, A Long Road to Journey. Its still Yamachi/Taito but Matt would be the main focus on it. I hope you will R&R too…   
  



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